About 80% of my measly income is from writing related work: writing stories, editing and translating. I enjoy writing the most and it's the one thing I am most confident at. I have all the working skills of an editor though the management aspect of the job I find tedious. I am not naturally a detailed person so I have to wear my accuracy cap that fits just a bit too tight. I enjoy translating Japanese to English but from English to Japanese, especially when the writing is technical, I'm extremely so not very good at all. Still, I have a good team covering for my weaknesses, I pay them well and we give my clients excellent results.
So this brings us to the other 20% of my earnings which comes doing oral proficiency testing. Ever wondered whether there are accurate testing devices to measure someone's ability to speak a foreign language? Well the Language Proficiency Index put out by Education Testing Services (the same people who brings the world SAT, GMAT, TOEFL, etc.) is such a test. The work is prestigious and training to be an examiner is rigorous. The recertification is also grueling and it's what I am putting off doing and blogging about it instead...
I am not great at it though I have improved. Now what I am avoiding to do is listening to my own tapes and picking ones out to submit as my samples. I hate listening to my own voice, I hate reviewing my interviews because I do so many things wrong. I should be listening because some are only marginally horrible while others make me just want to crawl under the table and disappear... For a while, I wanted to quit but recently I've been enjoying it. The pay per hour is also excellent. The hours fit into my schedule. On the last refresher workshop, I picked up some important tips which will make me a better interviewer, but it also my mistakes in these past interviews even more apparent.
So I am putting myself through this tortuous process. I got my annual review from the director two weeks ago, didn't even open the e-mail! But then I got a print out copy and glanced at it. It wasn't bad at all!
Okay, I am listening to my interview while I write this. First question, badly worded. Second question was okay.... Third question okay. But then I digress. NOT suppose to digress and offer my own similar experiences. It is NOT a social conversation... Painful. Can no longer listen. I've turned off the tape.
Why I am reluctant to do this is because I don't have much choice. They have sent me tapes of two higher level speakers. There are not that many of these samples to choose from anyways. So even if I reject this tape, there is no guarantee that I have a better interview to replace it!!! Get it??!! Futher, they are short of interviewers and I've done well enough lately that the worse they will do to me is roast me on the review (which I'm not going to read anyways.) I can't see them stopping me from working based on these tapes...
I can't do this anymore. Too embarassing. Okay, so the second last work detail I have left for the rest of the year is done because I'M NOT DOING IT...
So even into middle age, my identity as the forever A- student is still here to haunt me. I've always been at the very bottom of the best of everything... Mostly in school grades, but if one wants to psycho-analyze, examples from other areas of my life validating this theory can easily be found. The feeling of success but only by hanging on with my fingertips.
At various points of my life I did let go. Why do it? Relax. But after awhile, I found myself going after more things until I get to that A- feeling again. There is nothing like having to do something that makes you feel inadequate that brings out all the neuroses in a person.
So many resolutions for the next year. But I will though become a better LPI interviewer. I have greatly improved the last three years and since I am conscientiously trying to get better, I will.
